Living With Mutants is Hazardous to Your Health
by Red Witch
Summary: Ororo's sister and her husband have come to live at the XMansion and can't wait until they leave. Set during TSOCL and will have plenty of random adult torture.
1. Wake Up Call

**X-Men Evolution and GI Joe characters? Don't own 'em! Well I came up with this idea after finishing up 'This Soap Opera Called Life'. This is just some madness that sprung from my demented mind. I have no idea where this is going right now but won't it be fun to find out?**

**Living With Mutants Is Hazardous To Your Health**

**Chapter 1: Wake Up Call**

To say that the past few weeks had been stressful for Vi and Carl Daniels was an understatement. Their only son Evan was now in jail awaiting trial for murder. Before he had been the subject of a massive manhunt that had resulted in a riot which had burned down an entire street. There had been reporters on their doorstep trying to barge in their personal lives. Most of their friends had stopped speaking to them and they were barraged with hate mail. On top of it they were nearly murdered by the FOH and their house was set on fire.

It had been a lousy few weeks.

Realizing how dangerous it was as well as they were low on funds for an indefinite stay at a hotel, the Daniels had no choice but to go live with their sister temporarily. This would be hard enough under most circumstances but since she lived at the infamous Xavier Institute filled with mutants it was going to be a nightmare.

The morning after they moved in both Carl and Vi were sound asleep in their room. The previous day had been trying enough meeting new people and being discharged from the hospital so they decided to sleep in and get a good rest.

"DRAKE HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO ICE THE HALLS?" Rogue could be heard screaming outside their door.

"YOU WANNA REMINDER?" Tabitha could be heard next. The sound of several explosions could be heard as well as a high pitched scream.

"WILL YOU PEOPLE KNOCK IT OFF?" Scott shouted. "YEOW! TABITHA!"

"What time is it?" Vi moaned, her eyes still closed.

"Six in the morning," Carl looked at the clock. "So much for sleeping in."

"Carl stop licking my ear," Vi giggled.

"I'm not licking your ear," Carl said. "Oh god…."

Vi opened her eyes and saw a purple dragon on her stomach. "Rarr?" Lockheed blinked. Then he licked her face.

"Has anybody seen Lockheed?" Kitty asked in the hallway.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Vi's scream could be heard all through the mansion. "GET THIS THING OFF OF ME!"

"I think my sister has found him," Ororo sighed. She opened the door and Lockheed flew out into Kitty's arms.

"GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!" Vi shouted, holding a lamp in her hands. "THAT THING TRIED TO EAT MY FACE!" She shook it at Lockheed.

"Lockheed would like never do that!" Kitty told her. "He was just being friendly and saying hello!"

"Trust me," Logan sighed as he walked up to them. "He won't eat you. Annoy the hell out of you in the morning and leave a lot of drool on your face but he won't eat you."

"Oh god, I have dragon drool on my hair…" Vi moaned as she put her hand to where Lockheed licked.

"I'm sorry about this Vi," Ororo said. "I won't happen again."

"It better not!" Vi snapped. "Unless that lizard wants to become a purse!"

BOOM!

"Tabitha! Enough with the time bombs already!" Ray shouted.

"Sorry! It was me this time!" Forge called out. "One of my walking cherry bombs got loose."

"**Walking **cherry bombs?" Jean shouted. "**How** do you make a **walking** cherry bomb? **Why** would you make a walking cherry bomb?"

"Thunderbird dared me too," Forge told her. "It's just a little wind up thing and the motor got over wound and…"

"Cool! Can I see them?" Jamie asked.

"NO!" Both Jean and Forge shouted at him.

"WILL ALL OF YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP?" Logan roared. "SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!"

"Not anymore," Carl moaned.

"I'm really sorry Carl, Vi," Ororo sighed. "We have an early Danger Room session this morning. We'll try to be quieter in the future."

"How many times a week do you have these 'early' sessions?" Carl asked.

"Not often," Logan shrugged. "Only four or five times a week. Should be every day but…"

"I think we'd better round up the students," Ororo interrupted Logan and started pushing him away. "Students! Please report to the Danger Room quietly."

Of course that was what they didn't do. Vi and Carl stood in shock as all the students ran past them wearing spandex uniforms. When they were gone they just stood there. "Vi…" Carl finally spoke. "Please tell me this is a bad dream."

"I wish," Vi groaned. "Let's take stock of our lives. Our son is in jail awaiting his murder trial. Our home has been burned to the ground. And we are living with maniacs…And a dragon."

"&$$$!" Doop sang happily as he floated by them.

"And Slimer from Ghostbusters," Vi finished.

"It's official," Carl sighed. "We're in Hell…"

**What will happen to the Daniels? Wait and see what madness my mind comes up with!**


	2. Breakfast at Xavier's

**Breakfast at Xavier's**

Neither Carl nor Vi could go back to sleep, so they decided to wash up and get some breakfast. Since all the students were in the Danger Room the bathrooms were free so they could get clean in peace. Soon they made their way downstairs to the kitchen. "I can't get over how huge this place is," Vi remarked as they watched into the kitchen.

"Yeah, it seems a lot bigger without all the kids running around," Carl remarked.

"That does seem to be the consensus," Hank was there in a sweater and jeans at the main table. There was a large buffet already set up. "Good morning, Vi and Carl."

"If you can call it that," Carl groaned. "Please tell me there's coffee."

"Allow me to pour your some. What would you like in your coffee?" Hank asked. "Cream? Sugar? Gin? Or Vodka? I like a little Scotch myself."

"Isn't it a little early to be drinking?" Vi asked him.

"Ha!" John laughed as he walked in carrying huge boxes of donuts. "It's never too early to be drinking in this place!" He put the boxes down.

"This is a school you know?" Vi remarked.

"Why do you think we keep a good stock of the stuff here?" John remarked as he pulled out a flask and poured some into his coffee.

"So what are you two doing here?" Vi asked.

"We're setting up breakfast," Hank informed her as he took out several boxes of cereal. "We all take turns. Sometimes the students set it up. Sometimes the instructors, depending on the schedule. Often the faculty has to do it if the students have an early Danger Room practice. It's only fair."

"Are you sure you need all that stuff?" Carl asked as John also took out huge amounts of fruit and juice out of the fridge.

"Oh yeah," John said. "These kids are like bottomless pits."

"&##$$$!!" Doop swooped in with a huge grin. He grabbed the toaster and chomped on it. Then he grabbed a carafe of grapefruit juice, drank the whole thing then ate the glass in one swoop.

"And he's not that much better," John pointed to Doop. Doop then grabbed a plate of donuts and ate everything. Plate and all. "HEY! I WANTED SOME OF THOSE!"

"Relax Thunderbird," Hank pointed to another box of donuts. "I prepared for such a contingency. I ordered extra sprinkles this time."

"How many donuts do you people have?" Carl blinked.

"Let's just say the good people at the Donut Hut are ardent mutant supporters," Hank grinned. "Especially after all the business we give them."

"One of the few places in town that still does business with us," John grunted as he grabbed a donut. "Most of our groceries we have to buy from that Wholefoods three towns over. Good thing they're willing to deliver."

"Online shopping has become a necessity in these troubled times," Hank sighed. Doop burped and sparks came out of his mouth. "Looks like I'll need to get another toaster as well."

Doop whistled and left the room. "Okay, I can understand you and Kurt being blue and furry," Carl said to Hank. "No big deal. And the kids using all those powers around us I can learn to deal with. And maybe, **maybe** I can learn to live with a dragon in the house. But I am **never **going to get used to that **green thing!**" He pointed in the direction Doop left.

"You're not the only one," John said. "I caught him trying to eat my blanket the other night. At least I think he was eating it. That or making out with it. I don't really want to know."

"Well we'd better get ready before the herd rumbles in," Hank got up and went to the door. "Carl, Vi I suggest you might want to partake of what food you can grab now before…"

Suddenly the door burst open and dozens of students raced in. The door slammed Hank in the face. "The students arrive for breakfast…" Hank moaned.

Carl and Vi watched in horror as the students devoured the food in front of them. Jamie made multiple copies of himself and his clones ran around eating and cooking. Kurt teleported all over the place grabbing food. Amara and Roberto used their powers to cook and heat up food. Which sometimes exploded all over the kitchen. Less than twenty minutes later the students left nothing but a huge mess. The adults were in shock.

"Well at least this time they left some coffee," John remarked. "And there's no holes in the walls. That's a good sign."

"Coffee?" Hank held up the pot.

"I think I'll have some Scotch in mine, if you don't mind…" Carl asked Hank.

"Make mine a double!" Vi groaned.

**Needless to say the rest of the day is going to go downhill from there…**


	3. Morning Has Broken Into Several Pieces

**Morning Has Broken Into Several Pieces**

"Well, forgive me Xavier," Carl snapped. "I'd just like to be a little more involved in my son's trial! I mean I am his father! I should have **some** say in his defense case!"

After breakfast Carl and Vi had stopped in Xavier's office to discuss what to do about Evan, only to discover that Xavier had already decided for them. "Mr. White is a very respected and highly talented lawyer," Xavier told them. "He is also a mutant as well so he's empathetic to your son's plight."

"Oh well I'm glad **someone** is," Carl groaned as he sat back in his seat.

"You must trust me on this," Xavier said.

"Trust **you**?" Vi glared at him. "That's how we ended up in this mess in the first place!"

"Xavier we sent our son to you so that he could learn to control his powers," Carl told him. "What did you do? Train him to be a soldier to fight crazy villains and giant robots. And then you let him run off to the sewers living like a homeless bum with other mutants who are probably criminals or drug dealers or god only knows what they are! All of which you deliberately kept from us! So forgive me if I don't have any confidence in your plans! Especially considering your track record!"

"Mr. Daniels you are understandably upset," Xavier tried to diffuse the situation.

"Upset? I went **past** upset when my son was arrested for murder!" Carl snapped.

"Carl," Vi warned him. She turned to Xavier. "It's not that we don't appreciate what you're doing for us now."

"I just wish you did more before!" Carl said. "Maybe if you had, Evan wouldn't be in this situation!"

"I have to agree with you on that," Xavier sighed. "I'm just as frustrated as you are."

"I doubt it," Vi grumbled. "When can we see Evan again?"

"Soon I promise," Xavier said. "Mr. White is already trying to work out weekly visits. Which is difficult enough after Mystique's prison break."

"Okay who is this Mystique again?" Carl asked. "I mean it's kind of like keeping track of all the characters in a long Russian novel around here."

"She's Rogue's and Kurt's mother," Xavier explained. "Former leader of the Brotherhood boys. A very cunning and dangerous shapeshifter who has infiltrated Bayville High School as both Principal Darkholme and Risty Wilde. She also recently tried to assassinate Senator Kelly."

"She blew up the mansion once didn't she?" Vi asked.

"Yes, while posing as me," Xavier nodded. "And she's currently pregnant again."

"Again?" Carl asked. "Who's the father?"

"Zartan, leader of the Dreadnoks," Xavier told them. "A group of ruthless mercenaries that work for Cobra."

"Which tried to blow up Bayville High in order to get my son and the other mutants," Vi nodded. "Now I remember her. Kind of hard to forget a woman whose tried to kill your son so many times."

"Yes she is a formidable adversary," Xavier sighed. "Who knows what she's planning now that she is free?"

"I know I am going to regret asking this but are there any **other **enemies we should know about?" Carl asked. "Besides this Magneto character?"

"Well…" Xavier hesitated. "There's the FOH of course, Bolivar Trask, Graydon Creed, Senator Kelly, Apocalypse, Cobra, Hydra…"

"Forget it…" Carl held up his hand. "I think I get the picture. What's Hydra again?"

"A terrorist organization that deals with weapons and spies," Xavier said. "They created X23, Logan's clone."

"Oh I thought that was Cobra," Vi thought.

"No Cobra is a terrorist organization that is determined to rule the world," Xavier corrected. "They created Xi. It's easy to get them confused."

"As much fun as this conversation has been, let's get back to the subject of Evan's defense please?" Vi rubbed her temples.

"Look I'll try to have you visit Evan as soon as possible," Xavier promised them.

"Thank you so very much," Carl said sarcastically.

Ororo was outside when the Daniels left the room after several sarcastic remarks later. "How did it go?" Ororo asked them.

"Besides the fact that we have no control over our lives?" Vi glared at her. "Just peachy keen!"

"And you thought we'd be safer **here**?" Carl asked Ororo. "Xavier was mentioning all the little friends you've made over the years!"

"Look I know it may sound odd to you that we know a few sorcerers and the ruler of another dimension," Ororo sighed. "But really it's…"

"Wait! Back up!" Carl stopped her. "We were talking about Cobra and the FOH. What's all this about **sorcerers **and other **dimensions?**"

"Uh…Nothing," Ororo gulped. She quickly changed the subject. "So how do you find the Institute, Vi?"

"I find it easy to see why Evan wanted to leave here," Vi looked at her. "Now what was all that about other dimensions?"

"Oh, that…Kids' experiments and games, nothing much," Ororo said quickly. "I mean how are you holding up?"

"Not well. And having all this free time while not being able to do work on my own son's case isn't helping. I need to do something, **anything **to keep me going," Vi sighed. "I've already taken a sabbatical from work. My law firm practically threw me out the door. I just…feel so useless!"

"Well…" Ororo hesitated. "You could help out with the students in the classroom."

"You mean like a substitute teacher or something?" Vi looked at her.

"You're kidding right?" Carl looked at her.

"In case you haven't noticed we're a little short handed here," Ororo explained. "And McCoy is the only certified teacher here. The rest of us are pitching in and doing what we can. I've been teaching Social Studies. McCoy is teaching English classes. Scott and Jean are doing Math and Science. Logan…"

"Let me guess, gym?" Carl folded his arms.

"Yeah…" Ororo nodded. "John Proudstar helps out where he can. Mostly he assists McCoy in English and Logan in Gym. The Professor teaches advanced classes in Physics and Genetics."

"Don't you have any arts classes?" Vi asked.

"Not much to speak of," Ororo said. "Although Forge has agreed to set up a small shop class. He does have his GED and is tutoring the children in…"

"COMING THROUGH!" Forge shouted as he zoomed by with strange looking skates on his feet.

"HOW DO YOU STOP THESE THINGS?" Roberto shouted as he zoomed by them as well wearing similar skates.

"I KNEW IT WAS A MISTAKE TO USE THOSE SUPER POWERED ROTORS!" Ray shouted as he whizzed by. "ELECTRIC ROLLER SKATES! WHY DIDN IT HAVE TO BE ELECTRIC ROLLER SKATES?"

CRASH! BANG! CRASH! SHATTER!

"In **what**?" Carl asked. "Demolition 101?"

"We really need some help on this," Ororo sighed. "Excuse me…" She ran after the students.

"We don't have much of a choice do we?" Carl moaned.

"Well what **else** are we going to do around here?" Vi threw up her hands.

"LOOK OUT BELOW!" Forge screamed as he zoomed by, nearly knocking the Daniels over.

CRASH!

"Besides survive…" Vi moaned.

"You know Vi…Maybe we've misjudged those mutants from the sewers," Carl sighed.

"Yes, maybe they're saner than the ones here…" Vi rolled her eyes.

**Next: Getting to know Lockheed better. This should be good.**


	4. Dragon Day Afternoon

**Dragon Day Afternoon**

"All right now let's get this straight once and for all!" Vi glared at Lockheed. "I am not going to treat you like some kind of flying dog or anything! Stay out of my room!"

Vi had decided after the talk with Xavier to try and lie down for a while. That was the plan until she walked into the room and had caught Lockheed on her bed and chewing on one of her shoes. Currently she was in the process of trying to pry it from his jaws. "This is a fifty eight dollar shoe. The entire pair cost one hundred and sixteen dollars! THIS IS NOT A CHEW TOY OR SOMETHING TO PLAY TUG OF WAR WITH!"

"Rrrrrrr," Lockheed growled as he clung to it.

"Give it, give it…" Vi snarled as she tugged harder. "Give it! Agggh!" She fell backwards as the heel broke in Lockheed's jaw and she fell backwards. "NOOOOOOO!"

Lockheed then decided now was a good time to leave the room as he flew away. "COME BACK HERE YOU EVIL COUSIN OF BARNEY!" Vi screamed as she threw the ruined shoe at him. She missed and Lockheed happily flew away.

"My shoe…" Vi sank down on the carpet. "First my son and then my house and now my shoes! Why? Why is this happening to me? This can't get any worse!"

"YEOWWWW!" She heard Carl screaming.

"Of course it can," Vi sighed as she got up. "Now what's going on?"

"YEOW!" Carl yelped as he hopped around. "THAT THING TRIED TO SET ME ON FIRE!" Kitty was there with Lockheed as well.

"What's all the racket here?" Logan asked.

"That dragon gave me a hotfoot!" Carl grunted in pain.

"Well you nearly stepped on his tail!" Kitty defended as she held Lockheed in her arms. "Poor baby!"

"Poor baby?" Vi snapped. "That **baby **just ate my shoes!"

"I don't believe it," Logan blinked. "Usually he just eats the boys' shoes. He's never gone after the girls' shoes before."

"Yeah, well he's probably never tasted a hundred and sixteen dollars worth of leather before!" Vi snapped.

"Lockheed's just a baby!" Kitty defended. "He's just nervous around all these new people and he's upset."

"Really?" Logan scratched his chin. "Here boy, come here boy. You wanna go play in Dr. Reisman's room? Lots of shoes in there to chew on!"

"Logan that's not nice," Kitty looked at him. "But if it will get me out of trouble and that witch out of here," She handed Lockheed to Logan.

"It's a deal!" Logan grinned. "Come on, now's a good time to get in there. She's in the lab for a bit." They both went off.

"I hate that dragon…" Carl groaned. "I really **hate** that dragon…"

"I hate it here," Vi moaned. "I really **hate **it **here!**"

**Next: You knew it had to happen sooner or later. The Misfits stop by! Oh what fun we will have!**


	5. Dinner With The Misfits

**Dinner With The Misfits**

"Vi, Carl it's time for dinner," Ororo called out to her sister and her brother in law.

"You actually try to eat like regular people in this place?" Carl grumbled. "Or do you pour the food out in a trough and let the herd gobble it down?"

"We try to encourage dinners with everyone at the table," Ororo explained. "It gives the children a sense of family and routine."

"Just as long as I don't have to sit at the kiddie table…" Carl grunted.

The dining table was huge and loaded with food. They ended up sitting between Ororo and Warren. "Wow look at all the food," Carl blinked.

"You need a lot to keep these kids going," Warren told him. "And I thought I could run up a bill getting dinner."

"That reminds me," Carl looked at Warren. "What exactly do **you** do?"

"Depends on what's going on at the time," Warren said. "Sometimes I fill in for Storm in teaching history. Help Logan out with training. I've also been tutoring and giving some computer lessons. We've been thinking of starting some basic business courses as well."

"That and trying to keep hold of a fortune 500 company is a bit taxing," John said sarcastically. "Interrupts your oh so busy schedule…"

"My family runs Worthington Industries," Warren sighed. "Let's just say I made some…arrangements with my family to do what business I'm allowed to do over the phone and by computer."

"Cut the act Wings," John snapped. "We all know your folks give you an allowance to do as little as possible now that you've been outed as a mutant. You know what he does all day? Sells some of his fancy stuff on Ebay and looks at porn websites!"

"I do not look at porn websites!" Warren snapped. "It was a modern art site! Beast was the one that told me about it!"

"Oh there's a reliable source of information," John quipped. "Hey Beast, care to tell me where I can find some 'art websites' to get off on?"

"PROUDSTAR!" Ororo snapped.

"How about W W W 'You Are A Loser' Dot Com?" Warren snapped.

"So one of your personal favorites huh?" John quipped back.

"Could you two not have this discussion right now?" Ororo asked. "At least not in front of the children!"

"Yeah we all know how impressionable Badger is," Tabitha snickered.

"Keep it up, Time Bomb," Logan glared at her. "I've got a level 9 training session with your name on it." He looked upwards. "ELF GET OFF THE CEILING!"

"I just wanted to get the spare ribs," Kurt was hanging from the large lamp overhead.

"If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times!" Logan snapped. "If you want something **ask **for it! Try to use your manners huh?" With that he used his claws to grab a roll and chomp down on it. "Good bread."

X23 watched him and repeated his actions. "Needs butter." She used her other claws to skewer a piece.

"Professor!" Jamie shouted. "Bobby froze my soup again!"

"Here you go," Amara took the bowl in her hands. "I'll heat it up." She did so with her powers. Unfortunately she went a bit overboard and it started to bubble. "Whoops!"

Some of it erupted and splattered on the table. And onto Hanks' arm. "OW! HOT! HOT!"

"Sorry," Amara apologized.

"Hey where's Dr. Reisman?" Scott looked around.

"Gee I have no idea," Ray grinned. "Do you know where she is Roberto?"

"Why I haven't a clue, Ray?" Roberto grinned. "You know I think she might still be in her room."

"And why is that?" Ororo was afraid of the answer.

"Well for some reason, I don't know how…" Jubilee whistled. "The lock on her door is stuck."

"Yeah it's the darndest thing," Logan smirked. "For some reason even I had trouble opening it. Oh well…Maybe later we'll try again."

"Oh brother…" Ororo made circling motions on her forehead with her hands to try and reduce the headache.

"Jean, pass the green beans," Kitty asked. Jean did so with her telekinesis.

"Tabitha don't even **think **of using one of your energy bombs in the mashed potatoes!" Scott warned.

"This is routine, huh?" Vi asked Ororo.

"Can we all please act like normal **sane** human beings for once?" Ororo asked everyone.

"Hello Everyone!" Pietro zoomed in. "And how are we all doing this evening?"

"Well there goes the chance of **that** happening," Scott groaned.

"Some days I just wish a bomb would drop on us and get it over with," Rogue groaned.

"Don't talk like that Rogue," Scott said. Under his breath he muttered. "We'd never be **that** lucky!"

"What are they doing here?" Carl asked as the Misfits entered the room and immediately started to chow down on the food.

"Stealing our dinner," Kurt groaned. "Like they do every night around here!"

"Every night?" Vi asked, her voice getting higher.

"More like every other night," Pietro munched on a roll. "A couple times a week. No biggie. So Mr. and Mrs. D, what's new?"

"Besides the fact our son is in jail and we're living in this madhouse?" Vi asked him.

"Well you don't have to be so touchy about it," Pietro sniffed. "I was only asking. You don't have to be so hostile to me."

"Pietro, the last time we saw **you**, you had managed to lock up my son in jail for stealing!" Carl glared at Pietro.

"Yes, which **you** had done in the first place!" Vi pointed at Pietro.

"Oh, that was a couple of years ago," Pietro waved. "Besides I grew out of that phase!"

"**When?**" Lance asked. "Even Toad doesn't steal as much as you do!"

"I'm in a 12 step program," Todd said proudly. He dug out a chip and showed it to them. "Here's my 30 day chip for not stealing stuff."

"This is an AA chip," Carl remarked.

"Yeah, well they don't have real chips for what I have so I took this," Todd explained. "It was just lying around in somebody's drawer doing nothing so…"

"Is he serious?" Carl looked at Roadblock. "Please tell me he is not serious."

"Well odds are he didn't get it from any of us Joes or at the mansion," Roadblock shrugged. "So…"

"Unbelievable," Carl moaned.

"Hey, Rock Head go away!" Peter snapped as Lance situated himself between Kitty and himself. "This table is not big enough for losers!"

"They made room for you didn't they?" Lance asked.

"Did you guys have to come here tonight?" Kitty snapped.

"Of course," Fred told her. "It's spare rib night. Duh!"

"Yeah we know Remy and Rogue helped make this," Pietro quickly ate some corn on the cob. "It would be different if either you or Jean made it."

"That's for sure!" Todd nodded as he chowed down on a rib. He grabbed one with his tongue, rolled it in his mouth and spat out the bone. "Ahh! That's good barbecue!"

"And what's wrong with our cooking?" Jean snapped.

"Besides the fact that the Poison Control Hotline has both of you on its ten most wanted list?" Pietro asked.

"Speaking of most wanted lists," Scott said. "Mr. and Mrs. Daniels these are the Misfits."

"We've met," Shipwreck grinned as he moved his chair between Ororo and Vi. "So how are you lovely ladies doing?"

"We'll do better if you leave!" Ororo snapped. "We were hoping to make it a family night!"

"Sounds good to me," Shipwreck grinned. "Quicksilver and Wanda are family last I checked. Right Rogue?"

"And people think it's my powers that would drive me to consider suicide," Rogue moaned. "How little they know me…"

"Oh please Rogue, you'd never kill yourself," Wanda waved.

"You're right," Rogue glared. "Murder is a much more interesting option!"

"Can we please not talk about murder at the dinner table?" Vi asked.

"Oh right," Fred talked with his mouth full. "The whole Evan in jail thing. Okay guys no more talk of killing or any other subjects like that."

"Thank you," Carl breathed a sigh of relief.

"Did anybody watch that new cop show last night?" Fred asked looking around. "It was really cool!"

"BLOB!" Jean snapped.

"What?" Fred asked. "What'd I say?"

"Pay no attention to him," Pietro ate some food off of Ray's plate. "We never do."

"You also don't pay any attention to manners!" Ray snapped as he pulled it away from Pietro. "Get your grubby mitts off my food!"

"Yum!" Baby Claudius had managed to climb on the table and grab the food from the other side of Ray.

"What the…?" Ray looked at him.

"Oh great the babies are crawling all over the table again!" Jubilee groaned as she managed to grab Barney. Claudius was still scampering around, knocking over food and dishes and splattering people.

"Well you guys got some booster seats around here this wouldn't happen," Todd grabbed another rib with his tongue and took off the meat. "You're really very inconsiderate."

"I thought you were gonna teach these kids some manners?" Logan snapped at Roadblock.

"Said the pot to the kettle," Low Light harrumphed.

"I thought that too," Roadblock sighed. "Well at least they're sitting upright."

"Well you wanted to see a family dinner and you got one," Logan said to the Daniels. "Wait a minute? Where's Charles?"

"Hiding in his study with his meal, where else?" John scoffed.

"Oh no," Logan stood up. "He is not doing this to me **again**! I told him what I'd do if he tried to pull a stunt like that!"

"Yeah why should he not suffer like the rest of us?" Warren snapped.

"Aww, what'sa matter?" Low Light asked sarcastically. "Poor little rich boy not like eating with the commoners?"

"_The Internet is for porn…" _John sang. _"The Internet is for porn…"_

"Hey Thunderbird! Have a roll!" Warren threw one at him. John threw one back at him along with Low Light. Soon a full-fledged food fight broke out with the majority of adults and students.

"I have had it! Come on Boom Boom!" Logan ordered. "I need you to blow up a lock! Maybe two if Reisman's regained consciousness. X! Jubilee! You're back up! Let's go!" The four of them left the room to retrieve Xavier.

"Every day huh?" Carl's eye started to twitch as he looked at Ororo. "So that's **another** reason why Evan left!"

"Keep in mind Evan left before this was a regular occurrence," Hank pointed out. "Which proves he's a lot smarter than the rest of us."

"Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd hear," Pietro snickered. Then he was hit on the back with some mashed potatoes. "HEY! COVER GIRL! NO FAIR!"

"You took the words out of my mouth…" Vi groaned. "My life is so unfair…Why can't **our** door lock stick?"


	6. Nighty Night

**Nighty Night**

"Oh god what a night…" Carl moaned as the Daniels trudged to their room. "Dinner was bad enough but those kids playing around all night was even worse. At least I think they were playing. With all those powers exploding everywhere it's hard to tell."

"Let's just go to bed so this Day of a Thousand Deaths can end," Vi fell flat on her bed. "Ororo conned me into taking over study hall tomorrow morning and I'm gonna need all the strength I can get."

"You're lucky," Carl sighed. "Xavier cornered me and talked me into helping with an impromptu mechanics class with Logan tomorrow afternoon. I'm almost afraid to think what would happen next."

"That does sound bad…"

"You know we should really know more about what goes on around here," Carl thought as he sat on the bed.

"Do you really believe that?"

"No but anything's worth a try," Carl sighed. "What is that noise?"

"_Oh Stormy! Oh Stormy!" _Someone was singing. _"Please go on a date with me!"_

"SHIPWRECK GO HOME!" Ororo screamed.

BOOM!

"PIETRO!" Kitty screamed. "YOU SET OFF A SHAVING CREAM BOMB IN MY BED! PREPARE TO DIE!"

"TRINITY! GIVE GAMBIT BACK HIS PANTS!" Remy screamed. The girls were squealing.

The ground shook. " PETER! LANCE! STOP FIGHTING!" Kitty shouted.

"Oh lord no…" Carl cried. "No, no, no…"

"Carl relax, they can't keep this up forever," Vi sighed. "Sooner or later someone will get them to knock it off."

Two hours later…

"WHY WON'T YOU DIE?" Ororo screamed as she continued to chase Shipwreck around.

"KURT! TOAD STOP FIGHTING ON THE CELING!" Jean shouted. "LANCE AND PETER STOP FIGHTING **PERIOD**! TRINITY GIVE REMY AND SCOTT THEIR PANTS BACK!"

"Why isn't Xavier doing something about this?" Vi whined, holding a pillow over her ears.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE PROFESSOR TOOK OFF?" Scott could be heard shouting. "LOGAN, ROADBLOCK AND THUNDERBIRD TOOK HIM **WHERE?** THEY'D BETTER NOT GET DRUNK AGAIN!"

"ALL RIGHT WHO SET FIRE TO DR. REISMAN'S BED?" Warren could be heard shouting.

"DOOP DON'T EAT THAT!" Jean shouted. "OR THAT!"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY NO TARGET PRACTICE GAMES IN THE HALL?" Scott shouted. "THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO BEAST! AND GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS!"

"And to think we've only been here one full day and a half," Vi moaned. "NO WONDER EVAN LEFT!"


	7. Getting to Know You

**Getting To Know You**

The next morning Vi found herself agreeing to watch over the students in what was termed as 'Free Period'. "It's really study hall," Jubilee explained as most of the students walked in the library to begin their projects. "It's when we all get to work on our homework and stuff."

"Sometimes we get to do computer projects or lessons on disks," Ray explained as he opened his laptop. "There aren't exactly a lot of real teachers like Mr. McCoy here so we gotta improvise."

"Well, it's still better than being back at Bayville Hell," Tabitha popped her gum.

"Yeah at least here nobody hates us for being mutants," Paige said.

"Yes I'm sure we can all find legitimate reasons for people to…" Vi began then caught herself.

"You really are mad at us aren't you?" Jamie asked. "But it's not our fault Evan left!"

"I don't blame the **students **for Evan leaving," Vi told them.

"Come on, I know we haven't talked much and stuff but we all miss Evan a lot," Kitty said. "I mean we combed those sewers for hours trying to get him to come back. It took me three showers to get the smell out of my hair."

"Kitty, I know you have a dragon but aren't you also the one that has two boyfriends?" Vi asked Kitty. "Two boyfriends whose fighting kept me up half the night?"

"Oh yeah," Ray snickered.

"Hey!" Kitty snapped. "It's not like I'm sleeping with either of them you know?"

"No just bouncing those two off each other like ping pong balls," Rogue folded her arms in disgust.

"What do your parents have to say about all this?" Vi asked.

"Are you kidding?" Ray laughed. "Her dad just came out of the closet and is hooked up with a Niles Crane lookalike. And her mom is currently shacked up with a twenty two year old VJ Star who's secretly a mutant! And get this, he's a cousin to one of the Misfits!"

"Oh yeah and your homelife is so great?" Kitty snapped back. "At least my parents didn't chase me off to live with the Morlocks!"

"That was pretty low!" Ray growled.

"So is blabbing Kitty's private life you jerk!" Amara snapped.

"You were a Morlock too?" Vi asked Ray. "That's hard to believe."

"Let's just say I was one of the few Morlocks who could go out in daylight," Ray sighed.

Vi asked. "What was it like? Being a Morlock."

"Well the fact that we lived underground all the time and couldn't see the sun was a bummer," Ray told her. "And the fact that we had to get around by wading in human waste in the pipes wasn't exactly fun."

"Okay I don't want to know anymore," Vi stopped him. "Somebody else please talk!"

"What do you want to know?" Remy asked.

"More about your lives I guess," Vi shrugged. "I mean how did your family take to you being a mutant Remy?"

"Are you kidding?" Remy let out a short laugh of contempt. "My adopted father was thrilled. Called it an asset to the family business."

"What sort of business is that?" Vi asked.

"He is the head of the Thieves Guild in New Orleans," Remy folded his arms.

"Thieves Guild?" Vi's eyes widened. "As in actual **thieves**?"

"Oh yeah," Rogue nodded. "That's why we always count the silverware every day."

"Me and my father, we don't get along so good," Remy grunted.

"Especially after he tried to get you to marry the leader of the Assassins Guild," Kurt nodded.

"**Assassins **Guild?" Vi yelped. "You were engaged to the leader of a group of killers?"

"She was not the leader at the time," Remy stated. "Just an average lunatic killer."

"You know she's not as bad as you make it sound!" Rogue defended. "She's quite nice actually."

"Yeah once you get past the homicidal sociopath part," Remy groaned.

"Only because you just ran off and left her at the altar!" Rogue snapped.

"Remy killed her brother in self defense!" Remy snapped.

"That's a good sign the wedding is off," Roberto snorted.

"Remy, it's not your fault your father is a criminal," Rogue said.

"Look who's talking!" Amara said. "Do the names Mystique, Magneto and Polaris ring a bell?"

"Yes I remember hearing about them…" Vi suddenly felt a bit queasy.

"Not everyone comes from royalty you know?" Paige snapped.

"I dunno," Tabitha said. "My creep of a father's a royal pain in the butt. One good thing, he's back in jail again. The idiot tried to rob a donut hut next to a police station."

"Is your mom out of rehab?" Sam asked.

"Nah, she fell off the wagon," Tabitha sighed. "Literally. A Beer truck broke down right in front of the rehab center. By the time the docs found her she and twelve other patients had drunk the whole truck dry!"

"Speaking of alcohol where the hell did Proudstar say that flask was?" Vi grumbled as she rummaged through the desk.


	8. Getting to Know All About You

**Getting to Know All About You**

"Wow that was a great driving lesson!" Kitty squealed that afternoon as she got out of the damaged car. "I think I'm getting better."

Just then the hood of the car popped open and made a loud sound. Steam poured out of it. Carl Daniels wobbled out of the passenger side. "I swear I saw my entire life flash before my eyes…" He moaned. "It was pretty good too up until now!"

"So I see you survived," Logan remarked as Kitty happily went inside the mansion.

"You…**knew!**" Carl hissed. "You **knew** it would be like this!"

"Well yeah," Logan confessed. "But at least this time the car is in one piece."

That was when the car made a loud rattle and collapsed. Pieces of the car fell to the ground. "Well so much for the Half Pint's record," Logan sighed.

"Car maintenance huh?" Carl glared at Logan. "More like a demolition derby! I **knew** something was up when she was the only person here!"

"Sorry bub," Logan apologized. "We've all been terrorized by her driving. Come on, I'll get you a beer."

"Forget the beer! What I need is some Valium!" Carl snapped. Suddenly a small portal opened up. "What the…?"

"Hi!" Amanda walked out of the portal. Dr. Strange and Benny Barumpbump followed carrying a cake. "Is Kurt here?"

"The Elf's inside," Logan pointed his thumb to the door.

"Okay! Thanks!" Amanda waved and she went inside.

"Huhhhh?" Carl's jaw dropped open.

"Oh yeah," Logan realized Carl was out of the loop. "Carl Daniels, Dr. Strange Sorcerer Supreme and his apprentice Benny Barumpbump. Guys this is Carl."

"Hello!" Benny grinned. "Welcome to the neighborhood."

"Sorcerer?" Carl blinked. "Did you just say **sorcerer**?"

"Yeah," Logan nodded.

"Sorcerer?" Carl asked again. "As in magic?"

"Yup," Logan told him.

"Real magic? As in Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo?" Carl asked.

"More like Azarath Metrion Syntos, but yeah," Benny said. "That's the gist of it."

"I realize that this is a difficult time for you," Dr. Strange said. "We brought cake."

"Here! It's chocolate mocha," Benny held it out.

"Oh thank god, the chocolate mocha cake is here," Carl pinched his nose and closed his eyes. "I mean I didn't know how we would cope with the murder trial and the riots and the nearly being killed and all, but now we can relax because the chocolate mocha cake is here."

"I told you we should have got marble," Benny said to Dr. Strange.

"I'm sorry," Carl apologized. "This is all a bit of a shock here. I mean mutant powers I'm used to. Sort of. But magic…"

"The Elf's girlfriend is a sorceress like her mom," Logan explained. "The Doc here is training her along with Benny."

"O-kay," Carl sighed. "I'm just trying to get used to the situation here."

Doop floated by. He took a stray tire from the shattered car and chomped on it. "AND HE'S NOT HELPING!" Carl shouted as he pointed at him.

"Hey Doop! Cool it with the munchies here!" Benny called out. "Save your appetite for the game!"

"Game? What game?" Carl asked.

There was a familiar hum. Roadblock, Shipwreck, General Hawk and Nick Fury appeared. "Hey Logan," Shipwreck waved. "I brought the beer!"

"What are **they** doing here?" Carl asked.

"Weekly card game," Logan explained. "You want in?"

"Why the hell not?" Carl threw up his hands.

Four hours later…

"Carl? Where are you?" Vi looked around. Carl staggered out. "What happened?"

"Dear I have some bad news…" Carl sighed. "I lost a few hundred dollars as well as a few years from my life."

"That's nice dear. Carl, do you know what some of the students **did **before coming here?" Vi asked her husband. "Thieves, assassins, royalty…It's unbelievable!"

"Forget that! Do you know what these people **do** who come here?" Carl pointed to the group inside the room. "Soldiers, secret agents…Sorcerers!"

"Sorcerers?" Vi's eyes widened.

"Yeah sorcerers!" Carl said. "The one in there with the glasses got almost all my money! I think that incompetent stuff is just an act! What were you saying about thieves and assassins?"

"That's what some of the students are," Vi told him. "Or were."

"Why am I not shocked?" Carl moaned.

"Well it looks like I will be," Vi sighed. "Ororo conned me into teaching a home economics class tomorrow."

"Just pray they never ask you to do driving lessons…" Carl moaned.


	9. Home Wreck

**Home Wreck**

"Home Economics…" Vi walked into the room covered in ash and smoke. "I've always hated Home Economics." She glared at her sister and husband in the room. "I really **hate **Home Economics! AND I HATE YOU ORORO!"

"So…" Ororo gulped. "How did it go?"

"Besides the fact that I was nearly killed, just peachy," Vi said sarcastically. "Ororo explain to me why you are trying to incorporate a home economics class?"

"We're trying to teach the students other skills," Ororo explained.

"You mean skills other than destroying everything in sight and blowing things up?" Vi asked. "I hate to tell you this Ororo, but its **not** working!"

"What happened?" Ororo sighed.

"Before or after Kitty baked an angel food cake?" Vi asked.

"Kitty baked an angel food cake?" Carl asked. "I like angel food cake."

"You won't like this one," Vi said. "I've never seen a cake like that sink to the bottom…"

"Well there are obviously a few things she needs to learn," Ororo shrugged.

"Of the stove," Vi glared at her. "It sank to the bottom of the stove and **through** it! Somehow that cake was heavy enough to make a **hole** through a **stainless steel** **stove.** Hence why I look and smell like an ashtray."

"Oh dear…" Ororo sighed. "And we just bought that stove too after another muffin baking experiment gone wrong."

"Believe it or not Kitty wasn't the worst of it," Vi moaned. "Do you know who was?"

"Do I really want to know?" Ororo cringed.

"Roberto and Peter," Vi said.

"Those two?" Ororo was surprised. "Okay if you said Roberto and Ray maybe but they're good students. What happened?"

"Metal conducts heat…" Vi said. "That's all I'm gonna say. Well that and the ceiling was on fire. Until Bobby decided to ice up the kitchen. Now nobody can get in or out because the door is covered with ice!"

BOOM!

"HEY MS. DANIELS!" Tabitha shouted. "WE GOT THE KITCHEN UNFROZEN BUT IT'S ON FIRE AGAIN!"

"And to think I used to encourage Evan when he called to stick it out here!" Vi stormed to her room. "That was obviously a stupid thing to do! This was all a BAD IDEA!"

"Oh dear," Ororo cringed. "I don't think she's settling in well here."

"Gee, what was your first clue?" Carl snapped.


	10. There's No Disgrace Like Home

**Okay my little brain is running out of ideas for this fic so this will be the big finish. Time to get a little wacky and have some fun.**

**There's No Disgrace Like Home**

"My life is a living hell…" Vi moaned as she stumbled into the recreation room.

"**Now** what are you complaining about?" John asked.

"I've been fired from my law firm," Vi sank down on the couch. "Just like that."

"Let me guess, the trial thing?" Bobby asked.

"No kid, it's because I accidentally ran over Chiquita Banana!" Vi snapped.

"Well if it was an accident…"Bobby began.

"I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!" Vi shouted. "OF COURSE IT'S BECAUSE OF MY SON'S TRIAL! SHEESH!"

"I was just asking!" Bobby defended.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Vi sighed. "My whole life is coming apart. On top of nearly getting killed and losing my home and my son going through this and coming here to this…nuthouse…now I have no job! No income!"

"What about your husband?" Hank asked as he walked in.

"Carl? Oh please!" Vi snapped. "He was fired and couldn't get a job before this all happened! You really think he can do anything now?"

"Well what was his job?" John asked.

"He was the District Manager of the Sanitation Department," Vi said. "Translation, a garbage man with a clipboard! It took him fifteen years to work his way up to that job and boom! They wouldn't even take him back picking up garbage! Can you believe that? We're not good enough to pick up **garbage**!"

"Well there goes my confidence for the next five years," Carl walked in and then walked out, indicating he heard everything.

"Oh shut up!" Vi snapped. "Everyone knows I made all the real money in the family anyway. And now it's gone! Kaput! It's over. It's all over."

"Vi please," Hank put his arm on her shoulder. "It is not over."

"All my hopes and dreams have been smashed to little bits," Vi wailed. "I can't get a job which means I can't afford a place to live which means I'm gonna be stuck in this nightmare of a loony bin for the rest of my life!"

"Lady it's not a…" John began.

"DOOP LET GO OF MY SWEATER!" Amara screamed as she was being dragged behind Doop. He had a large pink sweater in his mouth and he wouldn't let go. "YOU WANNA BE SET ON FIRE AGAIN?"

"GET HIM LOCKEED!" Kitty shouted as she ran behind them with Lockheed breathing fire.

"FORGE! HOW DO YOU STOP THESE CRAZY THINGS?" Sam shouted as he blew past. Not long after that the sound of a hole being made in a wall could be heard.

"XI GIVE ME BACK MY DRESS!" Jean shouted as she chased Xi around. Xi was wearing a nice green dress. "AND STOP PLAYING WITH MY MAKEUP!"

"Rogue told me I could!" Xi shouted back.

"ROGUE!" Jean screamed.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Sam screamed as he whizzed past again.

CRASH!

"Wow those guys are having fun!" Bobby said excitedly.

"Bobby, you are **not** helping. Could you please…?" Hank waved. Bobby went out after them. "Thank you…"

"Okay, you're right about the loony bin part," John admitted. "But other than that it's not that bad around here! Sort of. I think…"

"I'm going to have to change my name and move out of state," Vi moaned.

"That's a little unrealistic," Hank told her.

"You're right," Vi said. "Forget out of state. I need to move out of the **country** if I ever want to work again!"

"Looking back on it now, life on the reservation wasn't **that** bad," John thought. "Kind of peaceful actually. Why do I **stay **here? I'm sure not being **paid** enough that's for sure!"

"Proudstar please," Hank sighed. "I can only work with one depressed person at a time! Perhaps some television would take your mind off your troubles?" He turned it on.

"I will have to become Juanita, the mysterious tango instructor," Vi went on. "Carl will have to get a job sweeping up after monkey…"

"Hey! Look what's on TV!" John pointed.

"Once again this is Tawny Dawson outside the Xavier Institute," A blonde reporter spoke. "Reporting live about the Evan Daniels Trial."

"Didn't we get a restraining order on her?" John asked.

"No, she got one on us," Hank corrected him.

"Currently inside recovering from an alleged FOH attack are Mr. and Mrs. Daniels," Tawny reported.

"Alleged?" Vi screamed. "Alleged! I still have a few hairs missing from that 'alleged' attack!"

"Are Mr. and Mrs. Daniels mutants themselves?" Tawny asked. "Or are they merely pawns in the twisted game of their son and Xavier?"

"WHAT?" Vi stood up.

"Are they being mind controlled? And what drugs are they taking to cope with the stress?" Tawny continued. "Which would explain the bad fashion choices Ms. Daniels wears."

"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT!" Vi shouted, having a demented look in her eye as she stormed outside. She grabbed a fire extinguisher along the way.

"Uh oh…" Hank gulped. "Maybe someone should stop her."

"By someone I take it you don't mean us," John asked.

"But of course," Hank nodded. "Ororo!"

"What's going on?" Ororo asked as she walked in.

"That horrid Dawson woman is outside," Hank pointed to the TV. "And it appears your sister is about to give her an exclusive interview."

"Oh no…" Ororo gulped.

"HEY DAWSON! HERE'S AN EXCLUSIVE" Vi aimed the fire extinguisher at Tawny. "MUTANT'S MOTHER GOES NUTS ON BLEACHED BLONDE TRAMP!"

"She's not going to do what I think she's going to do…" Hank winced.

"TAKE THAT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Vi screamed as she used the fire extinguisher on Tawny.

"MY HAIR! MY MAKEUP!" Tawny cried. "MY TWO THOUSAND DOLLAR VERSACHE DRESS!"

"She did," Hank sighed. "I sense yet another lawsuit on its way."

"YOU WANNA SEE BAD FASHION! TAKE THIS!" Vi shouted as she pounced on Tawny, shoving her face in the mud.

"And I thought **you** had a temper, Ororo," Hank blinked. "But your sister puts your tempests to shame."

"I don't think my sister likes it here very much," Ororo sighed.

"Really? I think she's fitting in just fine," John shrugged.


End file.
